Fine

                                                          Image source: listal

     I spent my entire night going through the internet, pages after pages looking out for the result of such searches as models, beautiful models, black models and all that stuff. I considered my self beautiful but as I started to compare what I considered my beauty to that of the other girls the scale was not it. I could say I was more beautiful than some girls I saw on campus just so easily, some were more beautiful than I am and then there were others who did not just allow me compare--the basis for
that was out of grasp. Unduly self-conscious did not describe my problem because I had no problem with that. While I was at high school where I was another word for beauty, I handled all that and it was not a problem in any way.
     The Girls Lodge was how all these started. My roommates were not at all dumb at least for being able to get into this ivy college. Annabelle was studying physics, Viven medicine and Joan was the talkative Law girl. I was coy for a day or two but my attention was always half away from my books whenever the gist started. "Being very beautiful now should be something like--a little slimmer than Kim Kardashian and then some pints away from Beyonce"Annabelle said. and then Viven said "You got it perfectly--just perfectly! I just want to be like that but cutting off some food from my diet is not just possible, and they suggested exercise but I am scared of growing muscles". "You better be. A girl in my class looks just like a man, she walks like she would fight and I think the guys are scared of her. One of them once referred to her as he, and denied saying it when she turned to look at him." Joan retorted. Their discussions never deviated from the looks or beauty and they would turn to me one and then another as if to hear me speak but I did not. Seeing either of them any where else, it would have been  very difficult to believe they would spend any of their time discussing hour glass figures, body of a goddess and so on but I was involved in everything. Viven said the rich guys especially like the hour glass figure, and then Annabelle said that many girls on campus who would not get a guy to tell them hi! in a whole week hide under religion to cover their scary faces and Joan said again that she was not just in school for a degree but also a husband--tall, handsome, cool and you know... I only remembered the book I was holding--Joyce Meyer's Power Thoughts after  their discussion but I thought so much about what I just heard now. "Waist hip ratio? my God!" I muttered.
     I thought I had stopped thinking about their talks for sometime, but I was wrong. My puzzled unconscious seemed to have woke me up way into the night and  I googled bit by bit of what remained with me of their conversations. Is female beauty really complex?