Amoral

                                        Edited image: vernalmatters

His thoughts tossed him here this time, and there another time--he was confused, confused because he had not learned all that he should. At a time he felt that the devil in his unsurprising wiliness had inserted into his head a wild whimsical force against which he could not go. It continued for days.




At first, it was lust. He lingered after every feminine figure walking past him. The other day a car was just behind him and he did not know. "I am sorry sir." Rukky was pleading with hands above his head and legs bent outward as if to kneel. "This is how you get people into trouble." The driver spoke loudly. "What on earth does a boy of your age think of that would take his ears so hard?" Not moving too close, he adjusted his suit, shrugged and slammed the door of the car driving off in full speed. Rukky knew he was fortunate the driver was such a gentleman or better still, in a hurry. His hands were still up as if they were glued and after bringing them down with unusual difficulty, he felt completely groggy.

In trying to deny his trouble, he became a critic--judging everything in a tortuous bid to escape the devil's art. "When a girl dresses immodest, they make you sin." He would tell himself until he began to realize that by doing that, he would not escape. Rukky knew he had to help himself but the right point was missing and it was worse because he knew a couple of guys who were worse--far worse than he. Cole could lust after a passing lady in the middle of a conversation, and Fego was worse. He decided to see Mrs Baker, the counsellor. "Maybe she could help." he thought.

"You see ma I am doomed." "How do you mean?” Mrs Baker asked. He narrated his personal ordeal with intense seriousness and detail and was surprised by her indifference. "Ma," He said, "I am telling you that all these are my plight and you are not even surprised. My mind is haunted!" "Look, young man, what you face is normal at first, although not everyone like you is faced with the same; but what you should know to help me help you is this. Your morality becomes weaker and weaker if the basis for it is others. What this means is that you should better allow your thoughts to be independent of a girls dress or their modesty. Take them as normal and I suggest you start with having a normal conversation with one of such a person. Listen you are going to see worse, so you should better be prepared, my friend." You are not even going to change anything like this so why take everything into your head in the first place. He understood Mrs Baker. "But Ma, how do I stand before someone who everything about me considers half naked to say anything? How can I...?" "By doing it is how you start you should tell me about this next week." Mrs Baker retorted, sounding calm and hypnotic. But by thinking about how in the first place, Rukky was saved already.